CLUB SANDWICH 61

THEY SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY

GISSAQUOTE

It isn't only musicians who like a hook. The publishing world, the music industry, the advertising business, they all look for that "peg" on which to hang a new item, a record, a book, an idea or an article. Especially an article.
Birthdays are always useful, especially if they're round-figure numbers, and so with 18 June 1992 approaching Paul McCartney is being bombarded with unwanted ideas, offers and requests. Geoff Baker sums up the situation

            Roll up, roll up for the Great Birthday Bash. Watch the media world go CRAZZZZZZZZEEEEE as articles, books, telly shows, radio and most likely a $78 million Hollywood blockbuster are released to commemorate - SHOCK HORROR - Paul McCartney Turns 50: Scientists Confirm Ex-Bcatle Is A Year Older Than Last Year (See Centre Pages For Picture Proof).
            But it's just a birthday, guys. He's just like the rest of us; 12 months pass and he has birthdays. It's normal. He bleeds as well.
            Oh no sir, no sir, no sir. Oh no,no,no,no,no. Nah. Nein. Non. Njet. You publicists don't understand. This is A HOT STORY. A World Exclusive. What was that about bleeding? That's a good line. No chance of a quote from him on that, is there?
            But it's just a birthday...
            Birthday, smirthday, luv, get real. This isn't just any birthday. Sure, we all have them. But what The Readers Want To Know is, how does he feel about it? Is he older, wiser?
            He's a year older...
            But does he have regrets? Would he live his life again? How do his children feel? What does Linda have to say about it all? It's The Woman's Angle we're after. Will you still need me, will you still feed me...come onnnnnnnn...
            But he's not 64.
            Is he planning a party? Who'll be there? Will the Beatles re-form for it? What's the set list? Who's making the cake? Is it true Princess Di's invited?
            You think I'm joking? You wait. Even now, the world and his editor are preparing all manner of copy to mark the occasion of Paul's next birthday.
            Books are in the offing. Whopping great biographies written by people he doesn't even know. You needn't have met Macca to be his biographer. No need to have known him or hung out with him.
            No, no, no, that's completely unnecessary. It'll quite suffice if you were once at a party with the aunt of the chap who runs the off-licence where he buys his Scotch. That'll do.
            One Fleet Street columnist, who has never interviewed Macca in the two years I've worked with him, is even now producing yet another "definitive" tome on the lad - and he's sold the serialisation rights already. Can't wait.
            At least two other publishers are desperate to produce rival, but no doubt equally "definitive" biogs - offering between $I8,000 and $162,000 advances for an authoritative author.
            On top of this, radio stations arc gearing up for 'McCartney Fiftieth Festivals'. This involves pulling Mac's back catalogue, working out that it'd take eight months to play it, whittling it down and -hey, what a good idea - picking 50 songs, and then there's just the little matter of asking Macca's publicity mandarin BernARD Doherty if Paul could just [sic] record a few [sic] words for between the tracks; like his 50 favourite colours, 50 Things I Wish I'd Known As A Cub Scout; 50 Contents of Macca's Dustbin Revealed, My Top 50, Why I'll Never Have A 50-Inch Waist - By Paul, and Learn To Speak Scouse in 50 Minutes With Paul McCartney.
            I fear also a glut of articles like 50 Things You Never Knew About Macca, Paul McCartney's 50 Favourite Pets and probably a birthday tribute single from 50 people who've covered 'Yesterday'.
            And then there's How To Turn 50 And Not Look It - Macca's Handy Tips for the women's magazines. Actually, we had that once on the World Tour. Honest. It was at the Hamburg press conference and this woman - straight-faced -asked if Mac had been taking "beauty tips from Cliff Richard".
            We thought she was serious, until her supplementary question ("Have you ever planted potatoes with Prince Charles?") confirmed her as a dork.
            The amusement (my amusement) at all this formula journalism is the insinuation that, somehow, 50 is too old to rock and roll.
            But consider this: the Rolling Stones are to tour again in 1993. And The Who are about to announce that they're also going back on the road again.
            Too old? Maybe it's just that rock and roll - as a musical form - is too young for its stars to be that mature yet. If you consider that R&R only began in 1956 then no-one's had the chance to be old yet.
            As Paul has remarked, it's like the blues players in the 1920s and '30s. When they started out, blues was a young guy's thing. But when they matured no-one went around saying that Muddy Waters was too old to play.
            And consider this too: what's so new about this age thing? When Paul McCartney, Keith Richards and Pete Townshend started out, playing blues, they were playing songs written by 40, 50, 60-year-old bluesmen.
            So wait a while, Fleet Street, to commemorate.
            Wait for Sgt Pepper at 90.
            Now that's a better story.